Es soll ja Leute geben, die Herr der Ringe nicht gelesen haben, weil ihnen die Geschichte zu lang ist. Deshalb hier die ultra-komprimierte Version:
The Fellowship of the Ring By J. R. R. Tolkien Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard
Gandalf Bilbo Baggins, your Ring is evil. In a couple decades, we'll try to destroy it. In the meantime, leave it for Frodo to play with. Bilbo Baggins It's not evil. It's mine. My precious. Mine! MINE, I TELL YOU!! MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (Frodo takes it to RIVENDELL. Some FRIENDS come with him. They are attacked by black riders a LOT, and it is SCARY.)
Elrond Frodo Baggins, if Sauron ever gets this Ring, the world will be destroyed, and evil will reign forever. We must act quickly. Take the Ring to where he lives. (They do some travelling. Some more FRIENDS come with him. Gandalf DIES in the mines of Moria, but will later be RESURRECTED in GLORIFIED form having triumphed over EVIL, an obvious literary ALLUSION to that movie where the guy comes back as a DOG.)
Boromir Frodo Baggins, give me the Ring. Frodo No. Boromir What have I done? (dies)
The Return of the King By J. R. R. Tolkien Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard
Aragorn We must travel the Paths of the Dead. Eowyn You'll die. (They don't.)
Gandalf The Hordes of Mordor will destroy Minis Tirith. (They don't.)
Gandalf We must attack Mordor. We'll all be killed. (They aren't.)
Gollum Mmmm, yummy finger! (dies) Frodo The Ring has been destroyed, but now we will die in Mordor. Sam Buck up, Master Frodo. (A bunch of feathered DEUS EX MACHINAS come out of NOWHERE and save EVERYBODY.)
THE END
...und speziell für noch eines ihrer Lieblingsromane:
The Dragonbone Chair By Tad Williams Ultra-Condensed by Yves Debroyer
Simon I'm only a kitchen boy. (slays hounds, soldiers, and a dragon)
The Belgariad/The Mallorean - by David Eddings Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard and David J. Parker
Garion I'm an heir to something. I must mature into a man and rule the world.
Friends While we're sorting out each of our personal crises, we'll help you kill badguys.
(They DO, and gradually all the badguys DIE except for one who is turned into a SNAKE.) **************** Und hier der absolute Brüller: The Eye of the World - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard
Rand al'Thor Tam is my father. (Nothing happens. Then, nothing happens. Then, unexpectedly, nothing happens. Everything is FRAUGHT with PORTENT.)
Moiraine Everybody come with me. Everybody No. Well, ok.
(They travel a LOT. Something happens that isn't explained. Something happens that doesn't make sense. Something happens.)
Rand al'Thor Tam is my father.
THE (predictable, cliched, dumb) END
Fans Yah! Wah hah! This is the greatest book ever! Whoo hoo! This is the greatest series ever! Whoopie! Yee haw! *********** The Great Hunt - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard
Rand al'Thor I want to do something. But doing this something is probably what the Aes Sedai want me to do, so I will do something else. But doing that something else may be what they want me to do, because they think I think they want me to do the first thing, so I'll decide to do this other thing instead. So I'll just do the first thing, since I want to do it anyway. Screw them. (Repeat seven hundred times.) ************* The Dragon Reborn - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard
Rand al'Thor Being the Dragon Reborn stinks. I'm out of here. (Moiraine and the gang CHASE him. But even though they are on HORSES, and he is WALKING, they never CATCH UP. This is supposed to be MYSTERIOUS but is really just a plot CONVENIENCE for Robert JORDAN.)
Perrin I hate wolves. (Mat and others show up out of NOWHERE. This is supposed to be MYSTERIOUS but is really just a plot CONVENIENCE for Robert JORDAN.)
Rand al'Thor I am the Dragon Reborn. (kills the EVIL SUPREME BAD GUY)
Robert Jordan Fooled you! That wasn't really the EVIL SUPREME BAD GUY! Now I can write forty more books! ************* The Shadow Rising - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by John Klein
(Everybody HATES Rand, so he BEATS them until they OBEY.)
Rand I have conquered all sorts of stuff, because I rule. (Gibbers to self. Five hundred pages pass.) *********** The Fires of Heaven - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by John Klein, David J. Parker, and Samuel Stoddard
Rand I found an artifact which gives me limitless power. I think I shall brick it up behind a wall. (A female character SNIFFS and thinks about her NECKLINE.) ************ Lord of Chaos - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by John Klein, Samuel Stoddard, and David J. Parker
Rand I have a secret plan, but I won't tell you about it. *********** A Crown of Swords - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by John Klein
Rand Now my secret plan shall be unleashed! Here it is. Are you ready? Are you sure you're ready? I'm going to make it look like I'm attacking this guy. But THEN I will attack some OTHER guy. (He DOES, and it ALMOST WORKS.) ************* The Path of Daggers - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by John Klein, Samuel Stoddard, and David J. Parker
Mazrim Taim I am evil, yaargh! Fear me!
Spooky Voice of Lews Therin Rand, kill Taim.
Rand Being powerful sucks. I will brood. ************ Winter's Heart - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by Torbjörn Andersson
Perrin I was going to rescue my wife, but that will have to wait for the next book.
Mat I was going to escape with my friends, but that will have to wait for the next book.
Egwene I was going to attack Tar Valon, but that will have to wait for the next book. ************ Crossroads of Twilight - by Robert Jordan Ultra-Condensed by Matthew R. Buchwald and Samuel Stoddard
(Rand BROODS and DREAMS about his THREE WOMEN.)
Minor Characters There is a large use of the One Power over there. (repeat indefinitely)
Perrin I was going to save my wife, but that will have to wait for the next book.
Egwene I was going to attack Tar Valon, but I won't finish it until the next book.
Mat I might flirt with Tuon in the next book. ********** Mein Kommentar:
Hm, die meisten Bücher kenne ich nicht. Und Spott über HdR findet nicht meine Zustimmung.
EDIT: Und folgende Dune-Parodie ist eigentlich nur ein Zeugnis dafür, daß der Autor des Beitrags dumm ist...
Frank Herbert I'm lots smarter than you are. I challenge you to understand even one of my paragraphs! Reader Gee, Frank Herbert is smart. I can't even find the plot.
Also, wen die Handlung von Dune nicht fesselt - der ist klinisch tot.
[f1][ Editiert von Arakano am: 19.04.2004 17:35 ][/f]
Deshalb ja meine Vermutung. Das alte Angelsächsische ist eben mit unserer Sprache nahe verwandt. (Wenn man Plattdeutsch liest, oder hört merkt man es besonders deutlich.)
Ja. Wahrscheinlich konnten die Leute aus Norddeutschland die Engländer vor der Normanneninvasion problemlos verstehen. Zumindest problemloser als etwa Bayern oder Westfranken...
Es ist aber auch ein ungelöstes Rätzel, wie man so quer sprechen und trotzdem grammatikalisch korrekt schreiben kann. (Anwesende vielleicht ausgenommen und Österreicher sowieso, die kann ich nämlich verstehen )
Silbermond
Thema drucken
19.04.2004 01:44
noch eines ihrer Lieblingsromane:
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